My mind and all the wasted time

And if I did have a choice
I'd never want to live forever
Just let me have a voice so I can make my points
I can't imagine running a race with no finish line
Just let me keep my pace and make to most of my time
I love giving but I'm bad at receiving
The truth is, I'd prefer to be the one bleeding
But I'm a paranoid that stays between play and work
Cautious and aware, 'cause I'm afraid of being hurt
Which brings me to the issue
And that would be this:
How often must I ask myself why I exist?
I feel like a freak, this world is a circus
Just trying to find myself as well as my purpose